FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKKK.
for the past few days all i’ve felt like doing is screaming at people and crying and staying home in my pjs and watching tv online.
…and killing myself but that’s beside the point.
i saw this gif set a while back on my dash that had catherine tate saying the only thing she wants for the general you she was speaking to was not to lock ourselves away in our bedrooms because we think we’re not good enough.
and i realized, that’s what i’ve done. i’ve locked myself away because i think i’m not good enough.
i hate feeling that way. i hate it. i just want it to disappear. i want to disappear. i want everything to go away for a while and i want to listen to good soft sad songs for empty hours while i hide under my sheets.
but i’m scared it’s true. and all i have (in my twisted brain that makes everything this way despite verbal confirmation of the opposite) is proof that it is. i disgust myself and others are disgusted by me.
and i’m afraid to let anybody in anymore. i’m afraid to tell you the truth because it’s the same annoying song over and over again. ihatemyselfihatemyselfihatemyselfihatemyself.
and that’s not even a good reason to be this sad. my life could be a lot worse and i have a lot to be grateful for.
i just feel so unwanted.
don’t get any closer. you won’t like what you see.